Trying to decide if I should break up with my realtor. | Michael McVinney
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Trying to decide if I should break up with my realtor.

Let's get this out of the way first: I am a super passive 27-year old woman who tends to defer to authority figures very easily, I hate hurting anyone's feelings/disappointing others, etc. I'm working on this with a professional, so before you say, "Get a therapist," please know I already have one!

I found this realtor randomly on Zillow when I had a question about a house I saw. That was three years ago. She's in her 50s and has some solid experience but I don't think she's a super well-known agent in my area. I had her show me about three houses in 2016 but then I found an apartment I loved, so I backed off from house shopping. She continued to check in and follow up with me periodically but I was pretty happy in my apartment. About four months ago, I contacted her because I wanted to start looking for a house again. I had her show me two houses.

For the last one she showed me, I did like it but I wasn't in love with it. She laid the pressure on very thick. While I was perusing the house, she was calling the listing agent to inquire about their timeline, if they had other offers, telling the listing agent that I was very interested. As we wrap up the showing, she's telling me all these things about mortgage lenders and putting in an offer, how hot the market is so I can't wait on this house, how the law is buyer-friendly so I'll have a chance to get out for the inspection or financing or appraisal… I felt the pressure continue.

I ask for some time to think about it and go to dinner with my boyfriend. At dinner, she starts calling me and I ignore it. After thinking about it, I text her yes, I'm somewhat interested in the house and asked her to look at the comps. She looks at the comps and calls me back and suddenly, it's "So based on these recent few sales, I think we should offer X amount with an escalation clause and pay closing costs and title insurance." ?! I thought I just asked for comps and suddenly we're putting together an offer. I felt the offer seemed too high based on other comps I looked up myself and I should have pumped the breaks, I really should have. But passive me, I felt it was too late and she was already so far down this path that I had no other choice. I never said I wanted to make an offer but here we were, making one. When I heard the sellers accepted the offer, I immediately started crying. And they weren't tears of joy. Again, I did like the house and I was interested but I am a super careful decision maker and this just didn't feel right to me.

Long story short, that house fell through because the inspection showed a lot of big problems. I also had some pretty serious cold feet about the house since I wasn't exactly sold on it in the first place and this was causing me some extreme anxiety.

Since then, I've been traveling quite a bit and haven't had a chance to really house hunt. She recently texted me about a house her realtor friend just flipped that hadn't been listed yet in a neighborhood that I like. She encouraged me to drive past it. I said sure, I'll drive past it tonight. Then she's asking if I can leave work and meet her there to come see it right away. I said no. Then she asked if I can come look at it that evening after work. I said no. Then she said maybe we can just work directly with her friend/the listing agent for this house and they won't even list it. Finally, desperate for her to leave me alone, I looked up comps myself and told her that the house seems overpriced based on other recent sales of houses that were bigger than this one (and have the number of bathrooms I actually want, as opposed to this house which didn't), and I wasn't interested. Then she finally backed off.

Honestly, I am struggling with trusting her now. Am I wrong in feeling that she's a bit pushy? Again, I am fully aware that I'm a meek and mild person who really needs to become more assertive. I'm working on it. Finally getting her to back off about that house was a big deal for me. But I also am dealing with a woman about 30 years older than me who has a very pushy and somewhat abrasive personality. I am wondering if I should find a new realtor. I have since seen a couple houses I've liked but I hesitate to even bring her into it because I worry I'll be roped into something when I really just need more time to think. I feel bad wasting what seems like years of her time, but I also don't know if I can buy a house if this lady is my realtor. Ah. Advice?

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